


The Definition of Eternity Shall No Longer Exist

by mochilou



Series: Only Human [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Broken Engagement, Cheating, Cigarettes, Infidelity, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Smoking, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:28:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29675622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochilou/pseuds/mochilou
Summary: “A blazing sea of stars or dust, storylines that can’t be burnt into ashes. Let the heartbeat stay behind.”-Only Human, WAYVAfter 6 years, Yeosang had to accept that everything isn't what it used to be and he has to let go of the person he promised to love for an eternity.[inspired by moira's song, paubaya]
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Jung Wooyoung, Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang
Series: Only Human [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2190384
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	The Definition of Eternity Shall No Longer Exist

**→** **Spring of 2021, Donggyo-dong, Mapo-gu, Seoul**

Yeosang’s mind was full of wander as his eyes looming over the city of Seoul as he sits on the balcony of his apartment, a glass of wine in one hand and a cigarette in between his fingers, it was a habit that he had grown out of at some point but on that night, oh that cold spring night, he just needed it, even more as he didn’t really know who to turn to for what seemed like weeks. 

He rubs his arm as the wind that had gust over him was chilly, but upon doing this, he looks down at his hand; a memory flickering right in front of his eyes as he thinks of his lover’s touch, he closes his eyes as he sniffles, as if trying his best to recreate his warm touch. He still wants to feel the searing touch that set his skin ablaze every time their skins touched. 

It was so cold that night, even colder since he was feeling hollow and empty, not only was his apartment half empty after Jongho left but he also felt like he had taken half of his heart with him.

If Jongho were to see him in this state, in the wee hours of the morning, the younger man wouldn’t hesitate to wraps his arms around him, he would ask in a whisper as to what was keeping him up and Yeosang would always smile before he spins around to bury his face into the crook of his neck, sometimes giving him butterfly kisses, especially on the lone freckle he had and as he is done with that, he would pull away to look up at him, a soft mumble leaving his lips as he talks about how warm he is. 

It would always make Jongho let out a soft chuckle before he sweeps him off his feet, kissing his forehead as they go back inside their shared apartment and the younger man would tuck him in bed, promising that he will always be there to keep him warm on the coldest nights.

It made Yeosang think about how Jongho had promised to take care of him and vice versa. Having watched each other grow up after they graduated college, supporting each other when it came to their careers. There were some unfortunate times where their careers were certainly one of the things they argued about but they managed to fix it, until one night where some things took quite a turn and thus Yeosang was left with bittersweet memories that he could look back on. He could always choose to just look at the beautiful parts of their relationship before everything went to shit. 

He picks up the bottle of wine that was on the floor right next to him and w hile he was leaning over, he thinks about how he and Jongho had met through Yeosang getting forced down into the floor just outside the classroom he had just been in. 

He didn’t really care but he was irritated, since he didn’t have his morning coffee yet but when a cherry-haired man had first graced him, he was surprised. He was quick to assume that he was a medical student, judging from how he had a complete first aid kit in his bag and he was a tad too charming. He even had the nerve to say a corny little pick up line in regards to Yeosang being an angel and he had scraped his knees when he fell down from heaven.

It was the first time that someone had affected him like that, sure it was corny but it surely made him blush since no one has ever flirted with him ever since his first year in university. 

Despite all of that, Yeosang was the one who let his guard down for a brief moment and even though it was as simple as showing Jongho his Rilakkuma band-aids, it was a big deal to him since he uses his outer appearance to ward off people but it just jumped out since he got too engrossed by the stranger patching him up with little to no judgement and was somewhat brave enough to approach him, since there were always stories circulating about him, that he’s scary and intimidating. 

But Choi Jongho was different, he was the only one who made Yeosang weak at the knees and not just because he was injured, he made his heart flutter like crazy whenever he felt his warm hands around the exposed skin of his knees and Jongho was the only one brave enough to call him out in terms of him smoking in a damn classroom and the only person to take the cigarette away from his lips, putting the light out through the rim of the trashcan and even winking at him before he took off, leaving Yeosang a little dumbfounded and confused because he was feeling things he’s never really felt.

Yeosang was snapped out of his deep thoughts when some of the ashes from his cigarette had fallen on top of his bare leg, causing him to hiss at the slight burning sensation and as he patted the area to soothe it, another form of pain struck him. 

This time it came from his knuckles, they were bloodied and bruised from when he had punched the mirror in his bedroom since he had been angry, not just at Jongho but also at himself. 

He downs the last remnants of his wine from the glass and he stands up from the metal lounge chair he had perched himself on for what seemed like the entirety of the night, watching the sun going down after he ate dinner and he just sat there for hours and hours, just thinking. 

He closed the doors of the balcony, making sure to lock it after letting himself in and through the soft glow coming from one of his lamps, he was able to see the slight mess in his living room. Having slept in the open space because their- well, his bedroom had felt too constricting at the moment. 

He puts the wine bottle inside the fridge before he washed his glass, being careful that he doesn’t wet his injured hand by putting on a glove. He puts out the fire from the tip of his cigarette by running it under the water before he throws it in the trash because the last thing he needed was to start a fire in his apartment. 

After all of that he just plops down on the mattress on the floor before he wraps himself with a blanket and that’s when his phone had gone off, it spooked him a little since he was basking in the quiet ambiance of his apartment but nevertheless, he answered it.

“H-Hey,” his voice barely came out as a whisper but he was sure that his older brother had heard him “Hey Baby, how are you feeling?” Yeosang looks at his surroundings because if a person were to see it, they’d say that perhaps he had completely slumped down to the bottom pit of his life.

“I’m okay, Hyung, you really shouldn’t be worrying over me when you’re on vacation with your family.” 

It pained Yeosang to think about how his brother was calling him just because of what had happened to him, he was spoiling everything and his brother didn’t deserve to have a burden weighing on him when he’s supposed to be enjoying himself. 

He was an adult, they weren’t kids anymore but at the same time, Yeosang was thankful that he was there to keep him grounded, albeit not physically but hearing his words were enough to comfort him at his most fragile state.

“Hongjoong will understand, so tell me, how are you?” Seonghwa insists, staying on the line with his younger brother and Yeosang lets out a sigh, running his fingers through his black hair, tugging at it a little bit as he masks how he was about to cry. 

“I’m okay Hyung, trying to- trying to think about what we’ll talk about when we see each other.” Seonghwa can be heard letting out a deep breath, as if he’d been holding it in during the pause that happened over the phone, to Yeosang, it was as if he was thinking about what to say if he tells him honestly that he isn’t okay.

“Try to take care of yourself too Sangie, don’t put all your energy into thinking about him for now, just focus on yourself, you don’t deserve this, Baby.” Seonghwa tries getting to him but he knows how Yeosang’s mind works, he knows that his younger brother wasn’t sleeping for the most part because of how he’s overthinking the situation at hand. 

Seonghwa had a pit forming on his gut when Yeosang had told him that he was going to propose to him, he just knew that there was something up with Jongho at that point, he couldn’t pin-point what it was but eventually, his suspicions were right. 

Seonghwa didn’t want to leave Yeosang at that time, since he was so dead set on asking his boyfriend a really serious question but Yeosang assured him that he will be okay, that he and Jongho will be okay. 

Plus, he knew that his brother had his family vacation planned and it would be a shame if they made a raincheck.

“I can always come home-” 

“And cut your trip short? Hyung, I’m okay, please just focus on Hongjoong and Chulsoo for now.” Yeosang stresses, hands searching for his pack of cigarettes that had been thrown over the couch, he puts it in between his lips and clicks the lighter so he could light it up.

“Park Yeosang, are you smoking again?” The ravenette had forgotten how his brother has pretty sharp hearing but at that point he couldn’t care less, it’s not like he was there to grab him by the ear. 

“Oh Yeosang, Jongho wouldn’t like that, come on now, put it out.” 

Seonghwa bit his tongue as he said that but knowing now, his brother would only listen to him if Jongho was included. 

It was as if Jongho was some sort of trigger word for him and he looked to his side, seeing the coffee mug that he left to cool down earlier, but he had left it unattended after he decided to get out a bottle of wine. 

He felt as if he could only hear static and he found himself throwing the newly lit stick inside, putting it out and laughing silently to himself upon the memory of how Jongho would always put out his cigarettes. He could still see him doing the expression he does whenever Yeosang takes out a stick; always scrunching up his nose when he sees Yeosang take the carton out of his pocket and he would always find himself slowly retract his hand, smiling sheepishly as he puts it back inside the box before apologizing.

Yeosang was slowly getting sleepy as he slid down on the mattress, the call was still on-going as Seonghwa reassured him that everything was okay but what the older didn’t know was that Yeosang wasn’t even listening to him. 

His phone had been on speaker mode, placed atop his chest as he looked up at the ceiling as he thought about how Wooyoung was the one to introduce him to Jongho, unknown to his best friend that they had met at the start of their final period. 

Yeosang wasn’t into the idea of starting a relationship nor dating since he was on his way to graduating and to be independent but he gave this certain person a chance and low and behold it was the same med student that had patched up his scraped knees weeks earlier. 

Of course, he had his doubts but Jongho showed him a conversation he had with Wooyoung and that’s how their first date went, over coffee and a cheesecake, Yeosang getting the urge to smoke but Jongho would scowl at him and so his cravings were suppressed by eating more and more sweets as Jongho promised to help him grow out of that habit.

And indeed he did, but he had a bit of an unravelling after what had happened as he found himself stumbling into the nearest convenience store to purchase a carton or two, 6 years after he had quit.

*****

Yeosang was shaken to the core at the sound of his alarm, the booming bass of the song causing his eyes to snap open and his heart to pound at a rapid pace.

He had been tangled around the blankets as the late morning air sent shivers down his spine, it was quite unusual for it to be a colder when it was almost noon but he immediately getting hold of the remote for the air conditioner to turn it off, cursing himself for falling asleep with it on. But then again, Yeosang’s body was warm as he slowly fell asleep, still flushed from the wine and the smoke that had captured him.

He gets up from the bed to get dressed for work but as his eyes landed on the calendar, he remembers that he had taken a few weeks off as he had everything planned out with Jongho, but of course those shifted and now the tickets for a short trip to Jeju were long forgotten in one of his books. Yeosang just heads to the bathroom, drawing himself a warm bubble bath, he wanted nothing more than to at least get some stress off his shoulders and just to get some relaxation, even if it was faux. 

He hums a song to himself as he strips out of his clothes, but as he sees himself in the mirror, he purses his lips into a thin line. The fading love bites that he was once so proud of were subject to him covering it with his hands. 

God, he can still feel how beautiful everything had been that night was, Jongho’s gentle hands on his body, soft kisses being planted on his lips before he dips down into his neck to give him marks. 

Yeosang was so oblivious to how it was basically a goodbye for Jongho since after that, he felt as if his boyfriend was avoiding him but Yeosang didn’t feel it then, only putting the pieces together once he found out.

“If only you were enough for him Yeosang, you would still have him and you wouldn’t be a mess.” He spoke to his own reflection as if it was going to give him an answer, he just tore his attention away from himself as he dips down into the warm water of his bathtub. 

Waking himself up as he splashed some on to his face. The tub surely felt bigger, he rarely uses it alone as he would have some fun here and there with Jongho if they get the chance.

Thus, he brings his knees up to his chest and he traces the many scars he had on them. 

People had always perceived him as a reckless college student who was nothing but trouble, but the reasons for his many cuts and bruises were just from him babysitting his hyperactive nephew. 

Even Jongho got a front seat viewing of it when they babysit together on the weekends. Although it was worrying how Yeosang was clumsy, Jongho can’t help but laugh at how he would scrape his knees whenever he tumbles in the playground while chasing his nephew, but Jongho was always ready to take care of him and wipe the pout away from his face with a quick kiss and a lollipop. 

Chulsoo would see this and always demand to have candy too, Jongho made him promise that he wouldn’t tell his parents since the child didn’t need any more sweets to fuel him. Yeosang loves how Jongho played with Chulsoo, even introducing him to some sports which was a surprise to Yeosang, only finding out during their babysitting days that Jongho was an ace in most of the sports when he was in highschool.

It's also the times when they talked about having a family of their own in the future and it took Yeosang aback because he was surprised that Jongho was talking about settling down with him and at that point they weren’t even boyfriends yet, they were still just dating. 

But Jongho was so sure that he sees a future with Yeosang and the then blonde would hold it against him playfully but Jongho was serious about putting a ring on his finger, always kissing his hands as he promised that it will never be empty once they grow up.

Yeosang decided that he didn’t really want to stay cooped up in his apartment that day, finding it more constricting and just adding to his emotions. And he doesn’t even realize how much time had passed since he sat in the tub, just wallowing in his thoughts as he willed himself to stop crying over spilled milk. He already did that the night prior and maybe some fresh air can help him clear his head, but this time sober, so he can try to think about what he has to say to Jongho once they see each other on the day they promised they’d meet, he didn’t want to get tongue tied if it happens and embarrass himself by breaking down. 

They never really got the chance to talk that night, only brutal silence and tension was between them and in the end, Yeosang just lied down on the bed, back turned against the entrance of his room as he listened to Jongho collect his belongings and Yeosang just buried his head into the pillow as he clutched the ring that he had bought for him.

Yeosang didn’t do anything in regards to his appearance, he just blow dried his hair, put on some sunscreen over his face and jumped into a pair of jeans and a knit sweater, he made sure to take his necessities with him before he left the premises. 

Once he got on the bus, Yeosang leaned his head on the window, it must have rained in the district where the bus had been since there were droplets of it on the windows. He had his headphones on as he listened to soft ballads before he looked up at the towering buildings above him, thinking about how they looked so calm in the day time but at night they were so alive, with all the lights and some from people having small parties.

The bus was on its way close to the forest park, on a normal day, at least on the weekends, he would spend it with Chulsoo, just to give his brother and his husband a day to themselves but his nephew wasn’t home at the moment so he was alone for the time being, but it’s okay, he could use the alone time. 

When the bus was at its stop, Yeosang carefully got up from his seat so he could get off the vehicle. But as he waits for the people to get up he doesn’t end up bumping into them, especially with some of them being in a hurry. His eyes widened as he came face to face with the raven-haired man. 

They were in the same area so there was a chance that they would see each other but he just doesn’t expect to see him on the damn bus. He knew that Jongho was just as shocked to see him since the last time they saw each other was on Jongho’s last night at their apartment and after that Yeosang didn’t really know who’s place he stayed at but the answer was right in front of his eyes. 

It was like a slap to the face since Jongho had his arm wrapped around Wooyoung’s waist, as if to be a gentleman. 

Yeosang felt his throat slowly clogging up and he held in his breath, feeling as if he would just burst out in tears if he does something simple as just to acknowledge them and so he shifts his eyes into the floor of the bus as he excused himself to get out.

Once he was finally out of the bus, he felt like he could breathe again but his tears started to leak out silently, his chest had grown heavy as he wasn’t ready to see him again, it only had been a few days since they parted and the pain was still fresh, it was still on the surface but it just hurts so much to think that Jongho had run to Wooyoung, Yeosang had some suspicions that he was with him but he wanted them to be wrong. 

Yeosang doesn’t say a word as he buys a carton of cigarettes from the nearest convenience store, along with a box of cheap donuts and a bottle of coffee as he hasn’t had anything to eat yet. 

Yeosang walked around the park with one hand inside his pocket, as if to keep himself warm since he didn’t have Jongho to hold it anymore. He had his head hung low as he passed by a group of friends who were chatting, a few couples here and there taking a stroll and some parents who were with their children. It bitterly reminds Yeosang of what he once had, something that he was so sure of for once, he had gotten his life together for Jongho, so they could share a life that would be euphoric and full of love. 

Yeosang finds himself sitting down in front of the pond, tucked away far into the corner to be away from the people, he shakes the coffee which was inside of a glass bottle before popping the cap off and he nibbles on the donuts he had bought. 

He watched the calming water which would create little ripples due to the fishes inhabiting it. It was his and Jongho’s place but it was Yeosang’s way before that, it was where he would run to in times of distress, when he just needed to get away from people so he could charge up on his social battery. 

But over the time, perhaps a year into dating Jongho, he had brought his then boyfriend over to the place, hoping that Jongho would also find a sense of calm, especially with his job being so demanding and in fact, he did. It also became his favorite place and somewhat their date spot when it comes to picnics or just during a stroll after they go watch a movie or eat dinner outside. It was also the place where Jongho had playfully claimed that they should get married at. 

Yeosang wasn’t a fan of it because it’s a public setting, opting that they should just get married in a nice private garden, perhaps in the butterfly garden over the next summer. 

Jongho had even created a small bouquet consisting of the wildflowers growing around them and Yeosang happily accepted it, playing around with it as he claims that it was enough to be his wedding bouquet.

But the tranquility he was feeling was disrupted as his phone rang, he doesn’t hesitate to answer it because he knew that if he left it to ring, his brother might go so far as to get someone to check on him, Yeosang wasn’t that far down and no matter what he goes through, he would never think about offing himself, he couldn’t do that to himself nor the remainder of the people that he calls his family.

“Aren’t you supposed to be with your husband and son?” Yeosang muses as he answered the phone “Can a big brother not check in on his other baby?” Seonghwa jokes before they chuckle “Where are you? Still in your apartment?” 

“No, I’m at the park, having some coffee and donuts to be exact.” He tries to uplift, just so he could get his brother off his back and enjoy his day with his family “Oh, that’s nice. We’re coming home in 2 days by the way so feel free to come over to our place.” Yeosang furrows his brows as he asked why, since he knows that they still have a good week before they have to come home.

“Chulsoo is feeling a little bit under the weather, must be due to the heat outside and the cold air in our hotel room, Hongjoong is taking care of our tickets at the moment, if there’s a schedule we might come home tonight even.” Seonghwa explains and Yeosang could hear Chulsoo’s whines on the other side of the line and he coos, hoping that he’ll feel better once they come home and it isn’t something too serious. 

He chews on his bottom lip as he wanted to tell his brother that he encountered Jongho that day, he just wanted to get it off his chest but at the same time, he didn’t want to add to his worries since he’ll be in full panicked parent mode so he doesn’t really need any more of Yeosang’s drama. 

“I’ll give you a call if we can come home later, Chulsoo surely misses his Uncle Yeo Yeo.” He lets out a breathy laugh “Tell him that I’ll take care of him once you come home, I don’t have anything to do for well over a week, so I’m free.” Seonghwa takes note of that, not mentioning how he took time off so he could bask in his happiness over getting engaged but since it wasn’t what happened, Seonghwa just doesn’t talk about it.

“Also, we’re taking care of that little habit of yours once we get home, okay?” Yeosang nods even though he wasn’t seen “Yes, of course, I think I got too overwhelmed with my emotions and turned back to it.” He shares, taking another sip of the coffee and as Seonghwa talked on and on about how they should plan on going to Busan, just the two of them, Yeosang had drowned him out. But it wasn’t for the reason that he didn’t want to listen but because Jongho was right in front of him, two cups of iced americano in his hand. 

“H-Hyung, I’ll call you back in a sec, just take care on your way back home and I-I’ll see you.” 

Yeosang gulps as Jongho sits down, silently handing the cup of coffee towards him and it was as if every single memory flashed right in front of his eyes, all the dates they had, the hugs, the kisses, the nights they made love, everything. 

They sat in silence for a bit before Yeosang could feel Jongho’s eyes on him, he was a little embarrassed that he’s a mess since he didn’t want Jongho to see him that way but what else can he do when he’s already right next to him. 

“What happened here?” Jongho breaks the silence as he points at Yeosang’s band-aid covered hand but older man doesn’t answer, hiding his hand underneath the sleeve of his sweater but Jongho sighs, taking a pack of Rilakkuma band-aids from his bag and handing it to him “I know you hate those icky brown band-aids.”

It was a recall to when they first met and it made Yeosang’s heart swell as he took the box in his hands, setting them aside for the meantime.

“I’m sorry.” Jongho’s voice became shaky as he retracts his arm back, bringing it up to his chest and clasping it into a fist. It was as if to stop it from shaking and it worried Yeosang, he was wallowing in his own sadness that he never even thought about what Jongho could be really feeling, he thought that he was okay since he was quick to get on with Wooyoung. 

But this was the first time that Yeosang had ever heard Jongho’s voice to sound so broken and it was the first time that Yeosang had ever seen him as vulnerable as he is, he was always so strong-willed and wise but it was as if he was at the edge. 

“I’m sorry I got tired,” Jongho puts his hand over his and that’s when Yeosang felt how cold he was, getting worried at an instant since it only happens when he is really anxious and scared.

“I’m sorry if I strayed away from what we had promised each other.” Yeosang returned his touch, lacing their fingers together to calm him down “I gave you everything and I just felt as if my strength had been emptied. I’m sorry for hurting you.” 

Yeosang doesn’t say anything as he instinctively wraps his arms around Jongho’s shoulders, resting his chin against him as he thought about when he could have possibly started pushing him away, but he had an inkling that it was on that year, maybe even before that and Jongho was just enduring it. 

“I’m sorry too Jong, I’m sorry if I wasn’t there when you needed me the most.” 

It was a mere whisper but Yeosang was genuine, he knew that Jongho needed him in one of his most stressful moments when he was transferred to a different hospital but Yeosang was also falling into a slump of having an existential crisis with his job also as equally as demanding. It somehow resulted into a rather nasty argument between them during Wooyoung’s New Years’ Eve party, quite a foreshadowing to how their relationship progressed over the months of that year. 

Yeosang had gone home by himself that night, too angry to even look back as frustrated tears leaked down his face, he felt as if he had sobered up. Upon getting home, he had a moment of clarity over his actions and he asked Wooyoung could take care of Jongho if he got out of control with the drinks but perhaps that a lot more happened that night between them. 

“I’m sorry if I wasn’t there when you needed someone to hold you.” He could feel Jongho’s body shake as he hid his face in his hands as he cried. “You were always the one catering to my needs and maybe it’s where I went wrong and why it’s why I ended up pushing you more and more towards Woo.” 

Jongho lifts his head up as he twists his body, cupping Yeosang’s face as he wipes away his tears. “I wanted to be there for you when you were hurting too Jong, but I was too self-absorbed in my own feelings that I never even thought about how they were affecting you.” Jongho hushes him, but Yeosang was full on sobbing as he puts his hands over Jongho’s as if to keep them there. 

“You could have told me from the start Jong, that you weren’t happy anymore, that you were more happier with Woo, I wouldn’t have kept you because I want you to be happy, even if it isn’t with me.”

“Shh, I’m at fault too Yeo, I could have gone after you that night so we could talk it out, like we always do, I was selfish too, but I didn’t go after you and I think,” Jongho cuts himself off as he wipes away his own tears, looking down at the ground because he felt a little ashamed over what he had done to Yeosang. 

“I think I did what I did because I was too blinded by the thought that maybe we weren’t meant for each other.”

It hurts to think that in the months between January up until April, Jongho had seeked more comfort with Wooyoung, they shared the same profession, worked at the same hospital so it gave them an ample amount of time to spend it together and perhaps what happened on New Year’s Eve, felt right to Jongho and he continued to pursue it.

Yeosang didn’t see it coming because he would never suspect his boyfriend and best friend to fool around with each other but that’s what exactly happened and it’s why Jongho had rejected him when he proposed and he just pulls the band-aid by claiming that they should break-up since he had been unfaithful and he didn’t want to put Yeosang through that nor did he still deserve Yeosang after what he had done.

“Jongho, I want to thank you for all the memories you gave me.” Yeosang plays with Jongho’s fingers, thinking about how it would have carried a wedding band if they had just tried to talk things out that night. 

“We may not be able to do all the things we used to dream about together but the life we shared is enough for me.” He wanted nothing more than to kiss Jongho, just to feel his lips on his for one last time, to feel his love even just for a brief moment but he held himself back at the thought that it would result to him confusing Jongho of what he wanted and in result, also hurt Wooyoung. 

And although Yeosang is upset over what they had done behind his back, he would never do anything to get back at Wooyoung, they weren’t friends anymore but he still cares about him. 

“I’m happy that you’re happy Jong. All I wish is for Wooyoung to never make you cry and take care of you.” Yeosang breathes out and Jongho’s chuckle came out watery “Always thinking about other people rather than yourself, very Yeosang.” The older nods, almost apologizing but Jongho stops him “I want you to be happy too.”

Yeosang was on the verge of crying once more but Jongho’s reflexes caused him to snake his hand behind his neck “Oh God,” He whispers, leaning his head back as he feels the tears threatening to spill out but Yeosang was the one to speak up. 

“I want you to know that in time I will forgive you, I still ask myself where I had lacked in this relationship but once I do, I will forgive you and I hope you forgive me too.”

They don’t say another word to each other as Jongho pulls Yeosang closer, kissing his cheek before he rest his forehead against his temple and Yeosang wraps his hands around his torso, resting his chin on his shoulder and that’s when Yeosang saw a glimpse of Wooyoung near the benches, he wasn’t looking at them as if to give them the privacy they needed without feeling any pressure.

“You should go Jong, Youngie’s waiting for you.” He tries to smile but it still comes out sad and Jongho nods “Take care of yourself, okay?” Yeosang promises him that he will and even though Yeosang didn’t want to let him go, he had to. Slowly and surely, Jongho slipped away from his grip and perhaps out of his life forever. 

He watches him with helpless eyes as he goes back to Wooyoung, holding his hand as they walk away from the scene but he couldn’t help but wish that Jongho would turn around to look at him, just one more time.

But he never did.

Yeosang just looks at them slowly disappear into the crowd as he gets out a cigarette from the carton, he stops his actions in terms of lighting it up with the lighter when he thought about how Jongho told him to take care of himself and maybe, just maybe, it could be the last thing he could do for Jongho since he surely didn’t do enough before. 

“One last time, Yeosang.” He whispers to himself as he lit up the cigarette that was already in between his teeth, taking a deep drag, just enough for him to feel the smoke capture his lungs before he looked down at the remainder inside the box. 

With his nimble hands, he spills everything into the palm of his hand and with the left-over americano right next to him, he spilled it all over the sticks as means of putting a stop to the habit, it was something that he had left over the years and he wouldn’t want to fall back into it, he couldn’t do that to himself anymore. 

He takes one long drag from the menthol cigarette that he always favored, he loved the way it felt minty coolness of it, covering up the harshness of the cigarette as if to make him forget that it was harmful for him and he just falls down into the ground, looking up at the sky as the petals from the cherry blossom tree right above him had blown away by the air. Yeosang lets out a breath as he feels his chest going lighter but his heart is still pounding like crazy and he lays his arm out into the grass. 

He was continuing to calm himself down when something tickled against the back of his hand and Yeosang turned his head towards what it was. He sees that it was a lone wild daffodil in bloom and he chuckles “You really bloomed at the right time, little flower.” He whispers as he thought about how daffodils meant moving on and this was a sign. It may be difficult to move on from a 6 year relationship but he would have to do it because there’s no use if he keeps bitterly holding on to the past.

Perhaps he was too optimistic when he fell in love with Jongho. They were after all, somewhat young and stupidly in love, perhaps over the years they slowly grew apart and they didn’t even notice it.

He was blinded by the idea of eternity when in reality, eternity isn’t something that really exists when it comes to love.


End file.
